


Earn it

by gnx (LiesArePartiallyTrue), percyinpanties



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: (all in the past), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Casual Sex, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Fights, Light Angst, M/M, meet again au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 00:34:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5185454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiesArePartiallyTrue/pseuds/gnx, https://archiveofourown.org/users/percyinpanties/pseuds/percyinpanties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eight years ago, Jason lost his sister and his best friend when they ran away together. The last place he expects to see either of them again is in the lecture hall during his second week of university.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ghosts of the past

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know shit about the US university system, so everything in this fic is based on the British one, since this is where I am doing my degree ;)  
> I know Jason/Luke is a crack-ship, but I love it, and I quite like how this fic turned out. Check the last chapter (once it's up) for the lovely fanart [gee-nx](http://gee-nx.tumblr.com/) did for this fic (also listed as co-author for this reason.)

It takes Jason a whole of five minutes to realise that the banging that has woken him up comes from his door and not from the inside of his own head. There’s a warm body pressed against his, sunlight streaming in from the window into the small dorm room and a pounding headache spreading from his temples to the rest of his skull.

“Yeah?” He calls out, shocked by how hoarse his voice sounds. He clears his throat, once, twice, before he feels he can actually speak again.

“I swear to god Jason, if you’re naked in there…” Reyna’s voice, calming both his pain and his confusion despite the anger obvious in her voice, until the door opens and he sees the scowl on her face.

“Morning.” He tries, smiling a little pained at his friend. Of all the things Jason has learned to love about university during his first week, living with his high-school best friend Reyna has been the best of them. Among their other flatmates, Reyna is still the only one who will stand up to him and kick his ass if she has to.

“Get up, idiot. You have a lecture in…” Reyna checks her wristwatch and scowls even deeper. “Thirty minutes.”

Finally, she steps the rest of the way inside, surveying the chaos Jason has managed to make of his room in the middle of last night when he came home, more drunk than he likes to admit now.

“Who’s that?” Reyna asks, her lips now twitching with a smile that suggests she’s been waiting to ask since she came in. Jason turns over, looking at the peacefully sleeping guy behind him, dark hair sprawled all over the pillow and skin in a sharp contrast to Jason’s. There’s a memory just out of Jason’s reach of sloppy, heated kisses and even more touches. Despite himself, Jason feels his cheeks redden.

“I… have no idea.” He admits, at least a little ashamed of himself. Reyna huffs a laugh, shakes her head and gives Jason a look that reminds him so painfully of his older sister that he has to avert his eyes.

“I’m making breakfast, get dressed and we can walk to campus together.” She sighs, but even that sounds at least a little fond. Jason manages a small, grateful smiles. “You have fifteen minutes.”

 

After the briskest shower Jason has taken in ages, and getting dressed in the first decent clothes he could find, Jason scrawls his phone number and a quick _‘Call me sometime’_ on a post-it to stick on his bedframe next to the still sleeping guy in his bed.

He takes a quick look around, cringing at the mess and grabbing his backpack before leaving for the kitchen. – at least he had been sensible enough yesterday to pack it before going out and making memories he’ll probably regret in the near future.

Reyna sits at the table with one of their new flatmates, a girl named Hazel that Jason has talked all of ten words to so far, but when she gives him a kind smile Jason returns the favour before falling into the chair next to Reyna.

“Someone’s hungover.” Reyna murmurs in a way that has Jason feeling like she enjoys his pain, but when she nudges a plate with a sandwich toward him, he’s already forgiven her.

“You’re the best.” He croaks, his voice still more or less… well, _gone._ Reyna raises an eyebrow at him like she’s trying to say ‘ _Don’t get used to it, Grace’_.

As it turns out, eating when you have the worst hangover in your life yet proves as a rather difficult task. It’s not just that Jason has the headache of the century and that his throat hurts with every bite he swallows, but his stomach doesn’t seem to agree with the idea of food yet at all.

When he actually manages to eat what Reyna has presented him with, and more so, to keep it down, Jason feels a little proud with himself. It’s stupid, and he’s well aware of that, but mornings like this call for celebrating the little victories.

Jason only half realises that Hazel and Reyna are talking, he’s still way to sleepy to follow their words – that is until he hears his name.

“What?” He asks, raising his head enough to meet first Reyna’s, then Hazel’s eyes. Thankfully, Hazel seems more amused than annoyed that Jason didn’t listen, and pushed a bottle of still water toward him.

“Drink, it’ll help with the hangover.” She repeats, smiling like she means it.

They both watch how he takes a couple of gulps and neither of them comments on how forced it must look. When Jason stores the bottle in his backpack and whispers a ‘ _thank you’_ , Reyna grabs his sleeve and tugs him up to leave.

* * *

 

It’s a miracle that Jason arrives on time. When he rounds the corner to the last corridor, people are just starting to fill into the lecture hall and at least half of them look as bad as, or worse than Jason feels. It gives him a strange sense of satisfaction that he isn’t the only one who had to drag himself out of bed today.

It’s more luck than anything else that Jason still manages to grab a seat at the front of the lecture hall, close enough that he won’t be able to allow himself to doze off and close enough that he’ll be able to pay attention despite the hangover. The seats are reasonably comfortable, and even though it’s by far nothing fancy, there’s at least enough space for Jason not to have to get up in anyone’s personal space.

Following his peers’ example, Jason pulls an empty block out of his backpack and after some rummaging, even manages to find a pencil to take notes with. The front of the room is still empty and for half a second, Jason entertains the stupid thought that maybe their lecturer is too hungover to bother with his first years today.

Before Jason can come up with more weird theories that make him hope he can go home and back to bed early, a door on the left opens and a tall woman walks in. She’s intimidating, there is no other way of putting it, and Jason shivers when for just a moment, her eyes scan over the crowd and land on his before moving on again.

Against any little hope Jason had, their lecturer doesn’t start nice and easy, but marches straight into her speech about the module and what will be expected from them over the course of the term ahead. Jason has trouble noting everything down, the books they’ll have to read and where to find them and which topics they’ll have to cover in their free time. More than once, his eyes dart over to the clock on the wall, hoping for this ordeal to be over already.

Fifteen minutes left and _finally_ , the woman slows down a little. Jason can’t help a small sigh in relief when he sees her leaning back against the desk up front, cross her arms over her chest and give the class a little smile.

“Now that we have the important things down, I’d like to introduce you the tutors you’ll be having your seminars with.” Her smile grows when she looks over to a little cluster of four people sitting together in the front row, like they are her personal favourites in the room. When she goes on about explaining that these tutors are postgraduate students that will be covering the practical side of her lectures, Jason thinks he understands why she seems so fond of them.

Ten minutes of class left and their lecturer calls out the names of each tutor, asking them to introduce themselves for the rest of the class. Jason doesn’t really pay any attention, he’s gone over to drawing little flowers on the side of his notes, when one name makes his head snap up.

“Luke Castellan, taking the Wednesday morning seminar.”

Jason feels himself pale, his eyes glued to the back of a blonde slowly rising from his seat in the first row. The man turns around and Jason is certain his heart stops for two beats before resuming its work in a far too rapid pace.

Luke has changed since Jason last saw him – _what, eight, nine years ago?_  
He’s taller, much more muscular than the lanky teen Jason remembers and there is a white scar running down the left side of his face that makes Jason’s fingertips itch with the urge to reach out and touch.

Standing tall in front of the class, the same piercing blue eyes and easy, teasing smile, Luke makes Jason’s heart ache in his chest. His voice carries easily across the whole room, and his eyes scan the students shifting a little uneasy in their seats. When he was younger, Jason used to think Luke could see right to the bottom of his soul – when their eyes meet now, Jason finds out nothing has changed about that as well.

For the rest of his little speech, Luke doesn’t avert his gaze of Jason even once. Emotion race over his features: shock, wonder, hurt, until all of it is replaced with the smallest pleased smirk.

Jason sits frozen in his seat even when the lecturer makes Luke break their eye-contact by forcing him to sit again. There’s only five minutes left of their lecture and Jason imagines he can hear his own heart beat loud and erratic. There’s a wooden _snap_ , making both Jason and the girl sitting next to him jump: his hands had clenched hard enough to break the pencil he brought in two.

He mutters an apology, face red in embarrassment now. Usually, Jason has a lot of self-control. It was something he has prided himself on over the years, but seeing Luke again after such a long time was too much for him to understand, let alone handle.

The lecturer dismisses the class and it takes several nudges from the girl in the seat next to Jason to make him get up and out of his chair. He feels lethargic when he moves out of the row and down the stairs, like maybe his brain has given up on understanding what exactly is going on and decided to switch on auto pilot instead of risking Jason doing something stupid.

He makes it all the way down the stairs and through the door when a hand catches his arm and pulls him out of the crowd. Embarrassingly enough, Jason stumbles and almost falls against whoever decided to throw him off his balance.

When Jason straightens up, he finds himself nose to nose with no other than Luke Castellan. _Of course._

“You’ve grown.” Luke says with a grin, steadying Jason with the hand still on his arm until Jason has regained his composure and managed to take half a step back. There’s a grin on Luke’s face that makes Jason want to push him, but instead Jason ends up lowering his eyes in an attempt to hide the colour rising to his cheeks.

“I guess so.” He murmurs back, this time not quiet because of the hangover but because of the embarrassment that makes him wish for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Years ago, Jason looked up to Luke, admired him even, in a way that had Thalia teasing him all hours of the day. It’s strange, how easy these feelings flare up again now, a sense of longing that makes Jason feel more conflicted than he has ever since… Jason shakes his head in attempt to clear his thoughts before they manage to stray to darker places.

“Didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” Luke adds, ducking his head to meet Jason’s eyes. He sounds wistful, sad in a way, and that alone is enough to make Jason believe him.

When Jason looks up, their eyes meet and Luke’s teasing grin turns into more of a genuine smile.   
Jason can’t help it, he stares, takes everything in like he’s seconds from drowning and grasping for anything that’ll keep him above the surface for even a second longer.  
Luke’s blue eyes, no less bright then they used to be but now with a depth to them that speaks of memories that are anything but pleasant. The dusting of freckles over his nose, the curve of his lips as chapped as they’ve always been. The slight crook of his nose from when he broke it during his first attempts at skateboarding, the scar on his left eyebrow that’s almost faded by now – a cut he got from getting into a fight with a guy who bullied Jason in fifth grade.

The familiarity makes Jason ache, despite all the things that have changed about Luke in the years they haven’t seen each other. The scar on the left side of his face is the most intriguing, and like in the lecture, Jason feels the urge to reach out and run his fingers along the tissue.

Luke’s lips twitch like he’s trying his hardest not to grin and Jason realises too late that he’s gone too long without answering. His face heats up from the tip of his ears all the way down to his neck and Jason turns his gaze away, fixing it on the wall to their left.

“I’ll… I’ll see you in class.” Jason murmurs, scratches the back of his neck and glances at Luke once more before he turns around to get the hell out of there before Luke can even muster an answer.

* * *

 

Jason is more than a little glad when he comes back to find his bed empty. The chaos doesn’t seem as bad anymore and the post-it with his number is gone as well – even though by now Jason has lost any interest in hearing from this one-night-stand again. His thoughts are going into fifteen directions at once, leaving his head aching and swirling and most of all, brimming with thoughts Jason would really rather not have right now.

Reyna gave him a weird look when he basically ran the way back to their flat, and so did Hazel when he passed her in the hallway and didn’t even say _Hi_ before disappearing into his room and locking the door behind himself.  
No one bothers knocking now, which Jason is grateful for when he crawls under his blanket still fully dressed and buries his face into the pillow. His heart aches and so does his head, both seeming to try and break free for entirely different reasons.

In the quiet of his room, Jason’s thoughts find their way back to the person he’s been trying to avoid thinking about since he stormed out of the building this morning.   
It’s been eight years since he’s last seen Luke… eight years since Jason has last seen his older sister Thalia. They grew up together, living basically door to door, and most of Jason’s childhood was closely laced with the boy with bright hair and a crooked smirk that burned itself into Jason’s memory forever.

Images race through Jason’s head, like a movie projected against the inside of his closed lids.   
_Sitting in the backyard, his feet kicking up dirt with every swing. Thalia hasn’t come home from school today and this morning Jason has caught Luke leaving with a bag slung over his shoulder that was way bigger than the one he usually carried for football practise Thalia has hugged him this morning, barely letting go at all and for the rest of the day, Jason couldn’t stop wondering what might be wrong.  Maybe, Thalia had fought with mum again, but when Jason asks, nobody bothers answering the questions of a naïve eleven year old._

The pain spreads from his chest to his shoulders when another scene plays in Jason’s mind _– sitting outside on the porch at the back of their house, hands clasped over his ears and trying to block out the yelling inside. The stench of whiskey had hung thick in the air already when he and Thalia had come home from school that day,  their mother swaying in the living room like she was dancing without any music playing. Thalia had ushered Jason up the stairs while she quietly disposed of empty bottles and straightened out the mess their mum had managed to make of the house. It hadn’t taken long for the screaming to start, a slap that echoed all the way to where Jason was hiding on top of the stairs, followed by accusations and words thrown at each other’s head that Jason hoped they’d feel bad about some day._  
He had snuck out to the back, sat on the stairs in hopes that would bring him farther away than the air could carry the sounds of the fighting but even so, Jason can hear their mother’s bitter laugher and Thalia’s voice thick from unshed tears.   
The feeling of a warm presence beside him startles Jason at first. He hadn’t noticed someone having sat down and taken his hands in theirs.  
“It’s going to be fine, I promise.” Luke’s voice is quiet and soothing, offering a distraction and a contrast against the yelling from inside. “They are going to pull themselves together in no time, they always do. Don’t worry, yeah?”   
Jason looks up, tears threatening to spill hot over his cheeks, believing to see nothing but sincerity in Luke’s blue eyes. He believes Luke right there and then, that somehow, the older boy knows how to make things good again. Jason allows Luke to take his hand and pull him up, further into the dark backyard and to the swings. For what feels like hours, they sit in silence until the last echoes of the fight quietened down.  
“We’ll always be with you, Thalia and I. There’s nothing out there we won’t protect you from.”

Another promise made just to be broken.

 _Jason’s ear pressed against the door of Thalia’s room, his small hands shaking with worry. Their mother is singing downstairs, off key and her words slurred as much as her rhythm._  
“Run with me, we both know this can’t go on.” – “I’m not leaving him, not ever.” – “We’ll come back, we find a safe place and then we get him. You can’t stay with her forever, Thalia!” – “I said **no!”**   
Something falls to the floor inside and Jason jumps, hurrying away from the door and hiding in the bathroom before anyone can notice he’s been eavesdropping again.

 _“That looks bad.” Jason says, arms crossed over his chest and the smile of a little know-it-allten year old on his lips. Luke looks up, rolls his eyes and takes the_ _bag of frozen peas of the cut on his forehead._  
“Still prettier than you.” Luke retorts and winks, grimacing at the blood he finds on his fingers after touching them to his forehead.   
“Thalia showed me how to close a cut.” Jason drops the information as casually as he can manage, hiding the first aid kit he has brought to the kitchen like he doesn’t know Luke has already spotted it.  
“Well, go on then kid. If my mum sees this, she’s gonna freak… more so than usually.”

It was only a month later than Jason found out that the reason for Luke’s battered face was him getting into a fight with one too many of Jason’s bullies.

The pain doesn’t ease with the change of scene behind Jason’s closed eyes, not even when the first thing he hears in his mind in Thalia’s laughter, loud and clear _._

_His vision jumps up and down and his nose fills with the smell of chocolate, strawberries and something earthy – the scent of Luke’s t-shirt and his skin right underneath.  
“Let me **down!** ” Jason laughs in his memory, thrumming his tiny fists against Luke’s back to no avail, hanging upside down over his shoulder while Luke jumps around in their backyard. Thalia claps slowly, teasing them both for being the biggest dorks she’s ever seen before she makes Luke let Jason down again so they can make some smores over the tiny fire Luke lit in his mother’s garden._

When Jason turns his face to the side, he feels a wetness where his cheek is pressed against his pillow. Tears, he realises, shed for the friend that broke his heart and the sister he lost way too long ago. 


	2. Undeserving

Two hours and a long, hot shower later, Jason has managed to pull himself together. He’s sitting on the bed again, but this time on top of his covers and with his laptop resting on his legs, headphones plugged in, and scrolling down the time-line of Luke’s facebook profile. It’s creepy in a way, how fast Luke has found and send him a friend’s request online, but even more so how Jason’s curiosity won over and he accepted in favour of stalking Luke’s past for any hint of his sister.

There’s nothing. The account is only three years old and Jason can’t find a single thing that would suggest his sister was ever a part of Luke’s life after they ran away. It stings more than seeing some memories of her would have, Jason muses, when his eye catch on a picture of Luke hiking outside. Dark sunglasses, ripped jeans, a loose tank top and a flannel tied around Luke’s waist, his ever teasing little smirk on his lips. Jason grits his teeth when his gaze lingers a little longer than it should have and part of him wants to hate Luke for capturing his attention like that.

With the music turned on just a little too loud, Jason doesn’t hear the knock on his door, and doesn’t notice it opening either until Reyna is right there, standing with her arms crossed over her chest at the foot of Jason’s bed. He jumps, obviously startled, and pushes his headphones down to hang around his neck. For the moment it takes for his mind to catch up what was happening, the music thrums on in the quiet room before he finally shakes himself out of his stupor and turns it off.

“You scared me.” He states unnecessarily and scoots over to make some space for Reyna on the bed.  
They have been best friends since Jason was thirteen, but Jason doubts that he’s ever been more glad for her companionship than he is now. Over the years they grew closer to one another, Jason never quite had the heart to tell Reyna about his sister. They met only two years after Thalia and Luke left, a few months after Jason’s mother crashed her car into a tree and the police told him he had no family left. It’s not an easy topic to just start on out of nowhere, and Reyna herself had taken years to tell Jason the full story of her own past. For some reason, Jason never thought that it would matter again and he’d rather carry the burden alone than load more weight onto Reyna’s shoulders.  

“That’s not the guy I found in your bed this morning.” Reyna states, nodding toward Jason’s computer screen instead of giving him an actual reply. At the very least, she shakes him out of his thoughts. Judging by the small, worried smile she’s sporting, Reyna is well aware of it. “Some guy on the rugby team?”

Jason shakes his head slowly, unsure how to even approach the secret he’s been carrying around with himself for the past eight years. This has always been the only thing he could never open up about, not only because he felt like he shouldn’t but… the few times he tried, and always only because there was no other choice, have almost torn him apart.

But this isn’t like talking to the police, or a foster parent or a therapist. It’s finally opening up to his best friend and maybe meeting Luke again means it’s time to trust someone to know. If there’s anyone in Jason’s life he knows he can trust, it’s Reyna.

“We were neighbours when I was a kid, before my mum died.” Jason starts, neutral and non-committally. He wrings his hands in his lap, making it even more obvious how much he’s fighting with his nerves.  
Reyna knows about his mum’s accident, it was the only reason they met in the first place after all, the reason Jason was thrown into foster care.  
“I haven’t spoken to him in eight years.” Jason goes on, then looks up to meet Reyna’s eyes. She must see the conflict in them, her smile contorts into a frown. “He’s one of the tutors for my class.”

Reyna nods slowly, like she can sense there’s more to it than Jason lets on. She studies him, head to toe, then the picture on Jason’s laptop screen, clearly waiting for Jason to elaborate. Part of Jason suspects it’s at least a little due to the miserable state she found him in, brooding on his bed with eyes still rimmed red from crying.

“I looked up to him. And he… he was close to my sister.” Jason speaks quietly, closing the laptop and pushing it off his legs when he can’t stand looking at Luke’s crooked smirk for any longer. There is no truth to the smile, Jason knows it, even when they were kids it had been nothing but a mask for Luke to hide behind.

“Didn’t know you have a sister.” Reyna says quietly and when Jason doesn’t answer immediately, she reaches out to take one of Jason’s hands between both of hers. Her fingers draw tiny circles, first around his knuckles, then on the back of Jason’s hand and finally his palm, slowly easing the tension out of him again until he trusts himself to speak. It’s a simple touch, but it’s one Reyna has come to realise is always working.

“She ran away with him.” Jason has to force the words out, feeling a new clump build in his throat and threatening to close off both his speaking and breathing. It’s been so long, but even now the pain stings as much as it had the night they told them. Jason remembers the police sitting in the living room three weeks after the night Thalia didn’t come home, surveying the chaos of empty and broken bottles, old take-out and stained cups. He remembers his mother cursing Thalia and ‘ _that ratty boy’_ from next doors, and Jason remembers the officers whispering quietly to one another, their eyes fixed on Jason’s mother who couldn’t even sit without swaying.   
Jason takes a deep breath, squeezes Reyna’s hand and forces himself not to look away from her. Even with her steady presence beside him, Jason doubts he will be able to hold himself together.  
“They told us, me and my mother, about a year later that she… that Thalia’s dead. That they stopped looking because the evidence said there was nothing to look for anymore.”

“And you blame him for that?” Reyna asks without missing a beat and Jason almost smiles through ne new tears pricking at the corners of his eyes; she always knew him better than he knew himself.

* * *

 

Jason learned early on that it's always easier to blame others than to blame himself.  He grew up to be a difficult teen, after losing his sister and the friend he looked up to the most, and being stuck with a mother who seemed to try and drink even the last of her conscience away. Sometimes, pushing some of the weight of his shoulders onto others was the only way for Jason to make it through the day.  It’s a habit he still carries now sometimes, even though it’s become much harder to admit.

When his mother died, Jason had hated himself for feeling glad. No matter how terrible of a mother she’d been, a part of Jason loved her, and a part of Jason had hoped there was a different way for her to go. Thalia had seemed to be able to keep her under control, to hide the bottles away and to clean the messes. The guilt he felt for not having taken care of his mother like Thalia had been able to almost suffocated him the first night after the police brought the news and took him away from his home. For weeks he spent his nights awake or twisting and turning with dreams that grew darker every time… until he found someone else to blame. Jason didn’t have the heart to hate Thalia for leaving him behind, but Thalia wasn’t the first to go and never come back. The only reason his mother had lost herself was the father Jason barely remembered, who his mother cursed and wept about when she thought her children couldn’t hear.

When he called the police on Luke’s mother not even a week later, hiding out in his old and now abandoned home and watching  her being taken away to a place that could hopefully offer her some help, Jason had despised himself even more. The woman had never been anything but kind to him, but he’d seen the way she lived in that house. For a little while, Jason might have been able to make her believe her son wasn’t yet lost, but toward the end, Jason was sure she’d seen through the act. The few times he snuck out of the orphanage to look after her, the looks she had given him were speaking of pity rather than joy.  
_“Oh my sweet boy, you don’t know what’s yet to come for you.”_  
Having her taken away might have been for the better, but an isolated 13 year old boy wasn't the kind that should be allowed to make such judgements. It wasn’t his fault, or at least Jason tried to make himself believe as much. If Luke had been around, Jason would have never felt forced to make this decision for him.

The orphanage didn't exactly make things easier on him. Jason didn’t fit in, he doubted he ever would. He grew up in a home, if a dysfunctional one, and he still remembered a sister who’d fight the whole world for his sake. He’d gone to a good school, lived in a nice neighbourhood, and for a long time, had anything to wish for… it was nothing like what most of the kids around him had faced.  
With 13, he wasn't by far the youngest, but he ended up being one of the most vulnerable. No one bothered taking him aside, explain how things worked around there. Jason was small, skinny and it took him a long time to learn when it was better to keep his mouth shut. Jason ended up alone, separated from the rest of the children because he wasn’t like them, didn’t act by their rules, didn’t manage to adapt.

Things only started looking up when by some lucky twist of faith, a family decided to take him in. He never grew to be particularly fond of them, but he was grateful for some illusion of normalcy. Moving across the States was supposed to help Jason move on, but for a long time, he didn’t even manage to take a single step forward.

That is until he met Reyna: a girl his age, just as new to the system and just as hurt after the losses she had to face.  
They were unlikely friends, but over the years that came, Jason found he couldn't have wished for a better one. His foster-family would shake their heads at them, would joke about how one day, they would end up together.

Jason never paid them much attention. He was glad for the one constant in his life he was sure he wouldn’t have to give up again.

* * *

 

 

University, Jason finds out the hard way, is not quite what people make it out to be. After spending most of the first week out in the city, drinking and dancing and exploring through the night, Jason realises in the second week that things won’t stay like this for long.  He always thought himself to be mature, if not necessarily very responsible, and capable of taking care of himself no matter what. He had to learn how to be able to rely on no one’s judgement but his own, and maybe Reyna’s, but in the end that alone doesn’t help him a whole lot.

The years to come are meant to be the best of his life and Jason would be damned if he spent most of them locked away in his room to catch up on the reading everyone but him seems to have done already.

Nevertheless, after his first lecture being spent hungover and confused, and admittedly a little cranky, Jason vows not to go out the night before he has an early class again. His resolution holds for three days, then he allows Reyna to drag him out without so much as a protest. They have a great time, they always do, but of course, with the next morning, comes the regret.

Maybe his mother and her escapades should have taught Jason to stay away from anything that might make him tipsy, but Jason finds that if anything, it makes him understand a little more why his mother was so fond of the substance in the first place.

Sitting through a theoretic lecture with a pounding headache though had been no fun the first time around, and it’s not now either. Unlike him, Reyna seems immune to hangovers of any shape and form and when they part in front of the lecture hall, she’s relaxed and smiling like they didn’t come home after four the night before.

The professor drones on for an hour and a half, nothing like the energetic, if aggressive, first lecturer had been and Jason struggles more than he expected with not falling asleep. His notes are half-hearted, but at the very least, he doesn’t have to hide from a pair of intense blue eyes again this time.

The time passes much slower than Jason has hoped, the whole day seems to drag itself out as much as it can until finally, Jason meets up with Reyna again to make their way back to the flat together. For the whole walk, she’s uncharacteristically quiet, but Jason chalks it off as her trying to give him and his head a break. They’ve almost made it all the way across campus when Reyna nudges him to get his attention after all.

“The guy… your tutor…” She starts, shifting and apparently uncomfortable in the situation she is in. Jason raises an eyebrow, unused to seeing Reyna like this. “He has a scar down his face, doesn’t he?”

Jason frowns, not quite sure anymore he wants to know where Reyna is going with this.   He nods nevertheless, his curiosity winning over the fear of what she might tell him.

“I… last night, he came up to me and asked for my number.” Reyna looks at Jason like the fact Luke spoke to her at all is the single most ridiculous thing in the universe. “I told him I was seeing someone because he creeped me out. He was a bit… displeased I think.”

From the way Reyna words it Jason guesses she’s toning it down, but that doesn’t do anything to ease the surge of anger Jason feels rising in his chest. Luke already stole Thalia away from him, Jason won’t let him have this sister too.

* * *

 

After that, Jason manages to make his way through the first week of lectures without any problems. It’s not quite a walk in the park, being responsible for everything all alone, but Jason finds that he manages better than anyone would have expected from him.

Sunday night, Reyna and he cuddle up on his bed together. It’s their movie night and even in college Reyna is determined to keep up their tradition. She brought her bedding from the next room over, shoved it all into the corner before pushing Jason right back against it. There wasn’t much he could do but watch with an amused smile when she nudged his legs apart so she could cuddle back against his chest, drape a blanket over them both and start the movie on the laptop resting at the end of the bed.

It’s _Les Mis_ this week and halfway into the movie, Jason finds himself humming the tune along into Reyna’s ear. She huffs a laugh and playfully slaps his thigh before letting her head fall back against his shoulder to look up at him. They’ve both seen the movie before, Jason is actually quite sure Reyna could speak and sing along with every character if he dared her too, so there isn’t anything she’d miss by looking at Jason instead.

“Did the boy from last week text you?” She asks, mischievous smile on her lip that almost gives away what she’s thinking. Jason can’t help it, his own lips twitch with a grin threatening to break free.

Instead of replying, he reaches for his phone next to them on the mattress, unlocking it and pulling up the conversation for Reyna to read. There’s a lot of emojis going back and forth, a few selfies and other images that maybe Jason should be embarrassed about, but it’s not like Reyna hasn’t seen that and more of him before.

For a few minutes, she scrolls through the messages in silence, then starts laughing quietly again.

“So you like him?” She teases, turning half back again to grin at Jason. Instead of replying he rolls his eyes and sneaks the phone right out of her hand before she can get any ideas about replying to the last text Jason got while Reyna was still busy reading.

“I don’t know. We had some fun, I’m not sure if there can be more.” Jason murmurs, just a little distracted with typing out his reply.   
The first text had come only two days after the incident with meeting Luke again after eight years and being overwhelmed by a mass of feelings Jason neither understood nor wanted to have. At first, Jason almost hadn’t wanted to answer, but the temptation of forgetting about any possible crush he’d ever had on Luke before it could flare up again had been too great.

 Reyna huffs a laugh and straightens up enough to rest against Jason comfortably once more, arms crossed over her chest loosely and eyes fixed on the movie playing.

“Don’t tell me you’re unsure because you happen to have a hot tutor.” As always, Reyna is spot on without even putting any effort in it. Jason doesn’t have to see her face to know his silence made her smile smugly and cleared the last doubts that Jason’s hesitation in fact stems from nothing but the fact that Luke could now be part of his life again.

The thing is, Jason isn’t even sure if he wants Luke, if he can forgive him for what happened eight years ago (and for all the things that didn’t happen since then) and go back to being friends. Looking at the man will always be a painful reminder of the family Jason lost, the isolation and loneliness that followed.

* * *

 

Jason’s Monday lecture turns out to be only half as bad as he had made it out to be in his head. The woman in front of their class is as captivating as last time, and except for a wink Luke shot him when Jason came in, nothing happened to distract him so far.

He can see Luke reclined on a seat in the front row, maybe only listening so he knows what to talk about in the seminar later this week.  So far, Jason isn’t sure if he’s glad they’ve been spared of this ordeal the week before or if it’s just going to end up making things worse this time around.

Jason tries to concentrate on taking notes from the slides projected to the far wall, listen to what his professor is talking about instead of letting himself get distracted again like the last time. It’s harder said than done, more than once Jason’s thoughts drift off to the conversation he’s had with Reyna the evening before.

The boy Jason has been texting all week is incredibly attractive, and on top of that seems to have a great personality as well, but so far, Jason has found himself unable to simply agree to meet him again. It’s not that he doesn’t _want to,_ a great part of Jason really, _really_ does. But every time his thoughts wander back to Luke something makes him hesitate, makes him want to hold on and see just what could be in store for him now that he has a piece of his life back he’s been yearning for so long.

Back when Jason still had his sister, still lived with his mother, Luke and he had spent so much time together that when all of a sudden both Luke and Thalia were gone, Jason didn’t know how to fill a whole as big as the one they’d left in his life. Jason was just a child, he relied so heavily on the one friend he thought he’d always have that when Luke left, he took part of Jason with him.

Even after years, that’s something Jason doubts he can forgive. The loneliness that followed, the pain and doubt from being left behind by the two people he thought would always be with him, that was nothing Jason thought he could forgive. It had been easy to start hating Luke after years went by, after Thalia was lost and Luke didn’t even bother to tell them what had really happened, after Jason was left to his own devices without anyone to call family until Reyna found her way into his life.

There is nothing Luke has done to deserve waking feelings of longing.

Jason bites his lip, realising that again, his mind has taken him away before he could stop it. The lecturer is almost at the end of her talk, maybe ten more minutes left, and Jason knows he’ll have to take extra time this week to catch up on what he has missed.

 

When the bell rings, Jason feels a little bad that he is relieved to be allowed to go. He grabs his bag, his notes and the jacket stuffed onto the space between him and the guy sitting next to him. Jason pretends to be reading a text when he jumps down the stairs of the lecture hall, hoping that this time, he might be able to escape Luke.

As it turns out, Jason doesn’t quite get as lucky. When he slips out of the door into the wide hallway beyond, still keeping up his act by looking at the last message he sent to Reyna, he runs face first into someone else. The surprised huff of laughter is enough to make Jason stop dead in his tracks, which he regrets as soon as he raises his head to meet a pair of striking blue eyes.

“Careful.” Luke teases, smirking when Jason blushes lightly. Whatever it is about Luke that makes Jason so easily flustered, he hates everything about it.

“Sorry.” Jason manages to mumble, pocketing his phone before Luke can realise the girl he hit on last week happens to be Jason’s best friend. “I need to get going. See you next week.”

By now, Jason just wants to leave as fast as he can, no matter if it makes him look rude in Luke’s eyes. He can’t push past him right away though, partly because of the stream of students around them, but mostly because Luke places one hand gently on Jason’s arm to keep him in place.

“Actually, I think you’ll see me earlier than that.” Luke grins when he sees the confusion on Jason’s face and goes on. “I’m teaching the Thursday seminar, according to the list they gave me, you’re one of my students this year.”

* * *

 

Reyna flat out laughs at him when Jason tells her.

She’s leaning against the counter, grinning at Jason like he just told her Christmas was coming early this week. Jason scowls at her, already half regretting that he told her in the first place even though of course she would have found out sooner or later. A little pout on his face, Jason stirs their rice in the pan on the stove. Unlike the rest of their flatmates, Jason and Reyna have decided it’s too much effort to cook by themselves and since they will be eating together most of the time anyways, they might as well cook their meals together right away.

“You know what that means?” Reyna asks after she has regained some of her initial composure. Jason shrugs, not even looking at her now until she pokes his side to demand his attention. “You have to go out with… what was his name again? He’s been asking how many times now?”

Jason sighs and rests his head against the cooking hood which only causes Reyna to roll her eyes at him. They’ve been over this, ever since Reyna read the messages Sunday night – two nights ago – she’s been pressuring Jason to finally agree to going on a date. So far, it’s always been teasing and playful. Something makes Jason feel like this time, Reyna isn’t joking at all.

“Look.” She starts and the tone of her voice alone makes Jason turn his head to face her once more. “If you are going to have seminars with Luke now too, this thing you have for him –” Reyna shoots him down with a glare before Jason can even protest “- is only going to get worse. Distract yourself, go out with this other guy, he’s eager enough to see you again.”

Jason bites his lip, turning his attention to their food for now so Reyna can’t push him any further. He knows she is right, of course, Reyna is more often than Jason would ever admit to her aloud. That doesn’t mean Jason is ready yet to get over himself and these pathetic feelings that he shouldn’t even have in the first place. Distraction is what he needs, and his only option to be fair, but that doesn’t mean getting down to it will be any easier on Jason.

“Okay.” He sighs, turning off the stove while Reyna gets them some plates out of their shared cupboard. “I’ll text him sometime this week.”

Reyna rolls her eyes, probably suspecting that Jason won’t in fact stick to that promise. He can’t blame her, because so far, he’s not sure if he has any intention actually sticking to it. It’s only when he sits down at the kitchen table, splitting the roasted veg and rice on their plates, that he realises Reyna has his phone in hand.

“ _I’m free tomorrow evening.”_ She reads with a wicked little grin. “ _If I haven’t made you wait too long for me, I’d like to take you up on your offer._ And – sent.”

By the Jason understands what Reyna is actually doing it’s way too late. She smirks when she hands him back his phone, no matter how much he glares at her, and gracefully sits down in the seat across from Jason.

“No need to thank me.” She quips, taking her fork and picking up a piece of pepper. “It was about time I got you a date.”


	3. Chapter 3

The alarm goes off for a good forty seconds before Jason can be bothered to reach out and turn it off. There’s a soft groan in the pillows next to his head, then Jason feels a soft pair of lips press to his shoulders.

“You don’t mind if I sleep another hour before leaving, do you?” The voice sounds hoarse and despite himself, Jason finds himself grinning back at the sleepy figure. Jason runs his fingers through the guy’s dark, messy hair, then strokes them down his smooth, tan skin all the way along his spine.

“It’s fine.” Jason murmurs, lingering for a second longer before he peels himself out from underneath the covers. “You’ve met Reyna already, just tell her I allowed you to stay.”

“She’s scary.” The reply is half a yawn and Jason can’t help but huff a laugh. He watches the guy shift around in his bed for a moment, snuggling deeper into the pillows until only the top of his head is visible, and smiles to himself.

Reyna had been right, of course she had been, distraction was exactly what Jason needed to get Luke out of his head. Luke, with whom he’d now had his first seminar of the morning. Even though Jason feels far more in control of himself now than he has at any point in the past week, he still dreads whatever might come today.

By the time Jason has managed to get dressed and washed any traces of the night before off his skin, the boy in his bed is sleeping soundly again.  Jason grins at the picture, thinking that maybe having someone in his bed like this is something he could get used to, before he grabs his back and sneaks out of the door.

When Jason checks his phone while pouring himself a bowl of cereal, he sees two new texts from Reyna. The first is from last night, nothing but a lot of winky faces, but the second has just been sent this morning.

_Good luck. Don’t be an idiot._

* * *

 

Whatever expectations Jason had for the seminar, the reality is _so much worse._ There’s only about ten people in the considerably smaller room, as opposed to the maybe fifty Jason guesses are in the actual lectures. Luke is leaning against his teacher’s table at the front, grinning at everyone coming in and assigning them their seats. Jason is not surprised in the least when his is right where Luke can watch him for the rest of the seminar.

The girl getting the seat to him seems friendly enough, even though she gives Jason a strange look when she catches Luke winking at him. Jason doesn’t have to be a mind-reader to guess what she’s thinking: it’s only the third week of term and Jason has already found himself into the bed of one of the tutors. Jason can only hope that she won’t mention anything, or worse, actually ask him about it.

They go through introductions and a few easy exercises regarding the last lecture they had, all while Jason doing his best not to even look into Luke’s direction which is of course considerably harder when every time Jason does end up looking over to Luke, the man is giving a gaze that Jason can’t brush of as innocent at all. In fact, Jason gets the feeling Luke is tempted to bend Jason right over the next table while the rest of the class is watching which, admittedly, is maybe making Jason feel things that are completely inappropriate during a seminar.

Over the last week, Jason has done a lot of thinking, too much if he was completely honest with himself. He thought about the pain he felt when Luke left, and how much it had torn him apart when Thalia was gone for good.   
The first few weeks, Jason would sneak out early in the morning or late at night, and almost every time, he’d find a crinkled postcard in the box next door. Jason had understood what Thalia was doing, she wasn’t stupid after all. Her name was never on it, or where she was, just enough quickly scrawled words for Jason to know that she was alright and that he’d just have to hold on a little longer – whatever that meant. The week of his mother’s death, the postcards stopped. Jason didn’t give up hope for a while, he’d still run back to the house after school to check the postbox, but it stayed empty.   
Back then, Jason had believed them both to be death. Starved or frozen or mugged, maybe run over or shot or hell knows what else could have happened to them. Seeing Luke again had left him longing, and only now Jason came to realise that maybe his longing wasn’t after the man itself, but after everything he’d taken with him when he left.

Jason’s attention only snaps back to reality when he hears someone clear his throat. He blinks, looking up from where he was drawing flowers on his handout, and finds Luke grinning at him with mischief twinkling in his eyes. It makes his eyes crinkle, even around the scar, and Jason internally curses himself for being so ridiculously attracted to someone he is quite sure he hates.

“Think you can answer the question, Jason?” Luke asks, raising an eyebrow and pushing himself off the desk he’d been leaning against. Something about the way Luke looks at him makes Jason feel like he’s prey about to be cornered and pounced.

“I didn’t get the question, sorry.” He replies, trying his best to keep his voice level. The girl next to him rolls his eyes, but Luke just grins and turns his attention on someone else.

* * *

 

Another thirty of forcing himself to pay attention, and finally Luke dismisses the seminar for the day. Jason packs his stuff slowly, not really in a hurry to get out, and only realises his mistake when he looks up and sees he’s the last one to leave. So much for battling a rumour before it starts.

Luke is sitting on his desk, looking at the exercise he collected just before the end of the seminar, but when he looks up and sees Jason still in the classroom, his face breaks out into the same mischievous grin he has worn earlier.

“Am I that bad of a teacher that you don’t listen or is there a more pleasant reason?” Luke teases when Jason comes closer, putting the sheets of paper to the side to look at him properly. Jason sighs inwardly, he really doesn’t feel like flirting with Luke now… or at least that’s what he’s telling himself.

“If you’re hoping for me to tell you the teacher’s too distracting to pay attention to the subject, it’s not going to happen.” Jason answers, not quite as cold or biting as he meant it to come out. Instead, it sounds amused, playful almost.

“What a shame.” Luke murmurs, licking his lips before his eyes drift from Jason’s face lower. “Because I find one of my students very distracting.”

Jason blushes, dark and red and absolutely embarrassing. He hadn’t expected to hear anything like this, but obviously, that had been Luke’s plan all along. Jason wants to hate how easy Luke seems to wrap him around his finger, but he can’t quite bring himself to.

“What do you want?” Jason hisses instead, this time forcing himself to meet Luke’s eyes so he can see all the hurt welling up in them. “Wind your way back into my life so you can run again and leave me behind and broken?”

Luke’s eyes widen, this time, it was Jason who caught him off guard and not the other way around. He opens his mouth, presumably to explain himself, but Jason is having none of Luke and his silver tongue right now.

“You promised to be there. I built on you. And then you ran, and like that wasn’t bad enough you had to take my sister away from me to.” Jason steps closer now, feeling his pain turning into fury with every word he’s speaking. “At least Thalia had the decency to write and to apologise and you just march back into my life like you belong here. I have news for you Luke, _you don’t.”_

It’s quiet for a moment, Jason’s jaw and fists still clenched from the anger and Luke still apparently dumbstruck. Eventually, the man swallows, straightens up and meets Jason’s eyes with an expression that could almost be passed off as sorrow.

“I didn’t take your sister away from you, I saved her from her abusive and alcoholic mother.” Luke speaks quietly, carefully, like this is hurting him as much as it hurts Jason. “Neither of us would have made it alone, and sure as hell not trailing some child behind. We meant to come back for you, Thalia told you to hold on for us.”

 “That’s not the truth and you know it.” Jason whispers, fighting against his voice breaking at the end of the sentence. He’s trembling all over and like that alone isn’t bad enough already, Jason can feel tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. “You were selfish and you didn’t stop to think for even one second what would become of me when you’re both gone. And you know what… Thalia would be in a better place without you now.”

This time Luke scoffs, looking at Jason like he is still the same petulant child and not a grown man himself by now. Maybe the years that have passed since Luke and Thalia left should have taught Jason how to forgive and forget, but instead they just turned Jason bitter. There are some wounds that time can’t heal.

“If we stayed at home, neither me nor Thalia would have had a future. The only reason you are here now is because your mother died before she could fuck you up completely. We were a family Jason, don’t throw that away now.”

The first tear slips out of the corner of Jason’s eye and he shakes his head vehemently like that could replace the words he’s gathering the strength for to speak. Luke reaches out for him but Jason flinches away, looking up at the other man like he doesn’t even know him anymore.

“Maybe we used to be a family, but you ruined that by leaving me behind.” Jason croaks, grabbing his backpack tighter as he pushed past Luke to finally get out of the room and escape the situation. “You’re selfish and an asshole and you haven’t changed one bit. Just do me a favour and leave me alone.”

* * *

 

They don’t speak even for two weeks.

Luke doesn’t pick on him during seminars, doesn’t talk to him before or after the lectures, doesn’t even stop when they pass each other on campus. Jason can still see the way Luke looks at him, begging and resenting at the same time, and if Jason’s being honest, he isn’t really sure what to make of that at all.

He told Reyna the evening after the seminar what happened and she had been proud as much as she had been worried. It had been about time for Jason to start standing up for himself again, but the mess it had left him as wasn’t really worth the short moment of satisfaction.

Jason tries to see the bright side of things. Not talking to Luke doesn’t help him forget, neither his pain nor the damned feelings he doesn’t even want to have, but it makes it much easier to ignore both and concentrate on other things.   
He gets around to spending more time with Reyna, exploring both the campus and town closer than they managed in the first week of going out. More than once, he goes on an actual date, even though they still mostly end with him and the guy in a bed. They never put a label on it, but Jason can’t deny he draws comfort in being together, whatever that might mean for them.

Jason’s composure doesn’t crumble even once, that is, until he runs early for his Monday lecture.

He hadn’t come from his own house, and unsure how long the walk would take, left a little early. Too early, as it turns out. By the time he reaches the lecture hall the class before is still in and Jason has about half an hour to kill before he can even get into the room.

With a sigh, Jason turns around, deciding he might as well spend the time outside while it’s still warm enough to do so.  What he doesn’t expect to see is Luke leaning against the wall right outside the building, drawing a lit cigarette between his lips. It catches Jason off guard and he stops long enough for Luke to notice him, for their eyes to meet.

“Smoking is bad for you.” Jason says without thinking, stepping toward Luke and off the pavement. “Give me that.”

With an eyebrow raised, Luke blows the smoke away and hands Jason the cigarette, only to watch with wide eyes as Jason takes a drag himself before throwing it to the ground and stepping it out.

“I think I should apologize for snapping at you the last time we talked.” Jason starts, realising he probably can’t get out of this situation anymore by now. “But the thing is that I’m not actually sorry. I meant what I said, even though I was an ass about it.”

When Jason looks up again, Luke is studying him with an unreadable expression. He almost gives in, turning around and walking away and regretting even his terrible attempt at an apology, but Luke has other ideas.

“No.” He says quietly and Jason thinks it’s the most vulnerable he’s heard him sound ever since they’ve met again. “You were right. To be hurt and to be angry and in what you said about me. I owe you an apology, even thought that probably doesn’t cut it.”

Jason narrows his eyes, unsure whether or not he can believe Luke yet or not. He nods reluctantly, allowing Luke to go on and explain himself if that’s what he thinks he needs to do.

“We never meant to leave without you. But your mother started getting physical with Thalia so I urged her to go and come back for you instead. It was selfish, yeah, but I was just a stupid kid trying to do the right thing.” Luke runs a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath before going on.   
“It was hard, we couldn’t find a place to stay for too long with the police being after Thalia and even if they weren’t… I doubt we would have managed.  
We got lucky to find a place in some camp for street kids. It wasn’t perfect but at least we had a meal a day and a roof over our heads.  
She kept sending you these postcards until… until we heard of the car crash. Thalia thought you had been in it, so we snuck back into town to find the house abandoned without any sign of you having left.  
Thalia thought you had died, that’s why she stopped writing. We had a falling out, she blamed me and I blamed her and we didn’t talk for a few years. When I got my life together and started university… we got in contact again but we never managed to go back to being as close as we used to.”

Luke doesn’t look at Jason when he finally falls quiet, but instead stares at the ground between them. Jason’s fingers twitch, part of him wants to pull Luke into a hug, the other just punch him in the face. At least he has the truth now, Jason thinks, and settles for just wiping over his eyes instead.

“I’m not going to thank you.” He whispers, afraid his voice would break if he spoke any louder than this. “You should have told me all that on the first day already.”


	4. Earn it

Against all the reasons why this is a bad idea and Jason should stay away from Luke, he ends the lecture with a new number saved into his phone and a pair of eyes on him that seem much more kind than the last time they were directed in his direction. Running away didn’t work nearly as well as it should have, so Jason can’t even bring himself to regret having talked to Luke again.

Their talk had taken a huge weight off his shoulder, even more so than their prior fight had. There are still a hundred question Jason wants (and will) ask, but for now, he can’t even lie and say he isn’t content with the sudden development of the situation. When the lecturer dismisses the class, Jason isn’t even bent on getting out as fast as humanly possible to flee Luke. In fact, he allows himself to take some time to pack his things and walk down the stairs unlike squeezing through his fellow students like he normally did.

Jason half expects Luke to be standing outside the lecture hall and waiting for him like the very first week, but as soon as Jason walks through the door, another face grins at him.

“Percy.” He says in surprise, allowing the guy to kiss the corner of his mouth in greeting even though this is a rather public place. For all the lack of labels and commitment between them, Jason can’t deny the surprise is a pleasant one, especially when Percy offers his hand for Jason to take and he catches a flash of blonde hurrying away from the corner of his eyes. One less thing to worry about, or so Jason hopes when he takes Percy’s hand in his.

“You left half of your stuff this morning.” Percy quips, pulling Jason along gently but insistently to the large double doors leading outside. “Thought I’d come to steal you away between your lectures and give it back.” He winks when Jason looks at him, then breaks into the biggest of grins when Jason seems amused rather than annoyed with him.

Percy is in a good mood, walking next to Jason, telling him about his morning while grinning and laughing. It makes Jason feel lighter, like there is no weight on his shoulders and clouds under his feet.

When they arrive at Jason’s flat, Reyna doesn’t even act like she is surprised to see them. Jason isn’t sure whether Percy told her they were dropping by or whether she’s just so used to seeing the other boy around by now.

Neither of them protests when Percy offers to make lunch for the three of them, so Reyna and Jason sit back and allow Percy to take over their part of the shared kitchen. If anything, it gives Jason a moment to take Reyna to the side and tell her what happened before his lecture this morning.

“You made up?” She hisses when Jason is finally done explaining, giving him her best expression of a deathly glare. If Jason hadn’t suspected it, her reaction might have hurt him. As it is though Jason might have been worried if Reyna had shown anything but distaste for his decision.

“I don’t want to go on avoiding him forever. Making peace with him and what happened felt good… you can’t blame me for that.” Jason leans a little closer to Reyna, forcing her to meet his eyes so she can see how sincere Jason is being.

Before Reyna gets to reply, Jason’s phone buzzes loudly on the kitchen table, lighting up with an incoming text. Judging from the look Reyna gives him when Jason practically scrambles to read it, she isn’t approving of Jason’s actions at all.

_Your girlfriend doesn’t mind you snogging strange boys outside your lecture hall?_

Jason stares a full minute before he realises the text is from Luke and what he means by it. His excited smile fades into a frown, then a full-blown scowl by the time Percy has snuck up to him and read the text over his shoulder.

“You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend.” Percy teases, grinning at Jason in a way that seems a little too bright to be earnest. He just shakes his head, showing Reyna the text as well before she could start glaring daggers at him again.

“Because I don’t. Not sure where he’s getting that idea.” Jason murmurs, confusion clear on his face. When he looks up at Percy again, the man smiles back at him softer than before. If Jason didn’t know better, he’d say Percy was relieved.

Reyna huffs a laugh when she hands Jason’s phone back so he can reply to Luke’s text. ‘It was hardly a kiss. And she doesn’t mind because she is not, in fact, my girlfriend.’

“Remember when he came onto me a few weeks ago?” She asks, leaning back against a chair while she watches Jason type away on his phone. “When I told him I was with someone, I think he assumed that someone was you.”

* * *

 

_I’m not lying. She wouldn’t believe me, but I can take you to her._

Jason worries his lower lip between his teeth, unsure whether or not to agree to Luke taking him away. It might be a fluke, or a scheme of Luke’s to get closer to Thalia again by being the one who reunited them. After years of assuming his sister was dead, it was hard to believe that she was within his reach now, just in the next town over. He spent eight years without her, Jason barely even remembers what she looks like anymore.

_Don’t think I’m ready for that yet, give me some time._

He types eventually, after having typed and deleted fifteen different messages before. He hovers over the send button, almost tempted not to press it at all, when there is a knock on the door and he just goes through with it before he can change his mind.

He stands up from where he had been pretending to work on an assignment and opens the door to come practically nose to nose with Reyna.

“Come to the library with me? I’m getting no work done here at all.” Reyna asks, a bag already slung over her shoulder. Jason’s eyes flick to his mobile sitting next to his laptop with the half-finished essay, realising that he isn’t exactly getting anything done either, and nods slowly.

“Yeah, let me pack this up and then we can go.” Jason sighs, getting his backpack and stuffing what he needs inside while Reyna stays leaning in the door and watches. When Jason grabs his phone at last, he already has a new text from Luke.

_Come on, Jason. I know you’re saying no because of me and not your sister._

With a scowl, Jason deletes the text and pushes the mobile to the bottom of his backpack before he can get tempted to answer right away.

* * *

 

“You’re flirting with him.” Reyna says blankly, staring at Jason like he has lost his mind. Her cheeks are a little flushed from dancing and the few drinks they had before, but Jason suspects he doesn’t look any better.

“I’m not.” Jason laughs and shakes his head, sinking further into the chair to avoid Reyna’s glare. “We’ve just been talking, for old time’s sake. That’s all.”

It’s a blatant lie and of course, it doesn’t fool Reyna in the slightest. She turs half around in her seat so she can face Jason and give him the darkest stare yet.

“Just talking. And going for coffee, or lunch or that movie two days ago. You have to stop that before you’re giving him the wrong idea.” Reyna scolds him, now leaning close enough that Jason is forced to meet her eyes and she can rest a hand on his shoulder. “He’s not the guy you want Jason, not after how he hurt you.”

Instead of replying instantly, Jason scowls at Reyna and stands up abruptly, ignoring the second of dizziness that comes with moving too fast.

“What do you know? We used to know each other inside out, what’s so bad with wanting to have that back?” He hisses now, not thinking about how he’d been agreeing with Reyna just last week, how he knows she’s right. Part of him is grateful when Reyna doesn’t snap right back at him, but as soon as she stands up slowly, he wonders whether being snapped at might have been the more pleasant outcome.

“Because the way he wants to know you isn’t friendly at all, he wants to have you for the sake of having you Jason, just to know that he can. Men like him don’t care about who gets hurt in the process, and as soon as you’ve given him what he wants, he’s going to drop you like he’s never been interested in the first place.” Reyna is standing almost uncomfortably close now, her hand fisted into the front of Jason’s shirt now. He feels his phone buzz in his pocket, and Reyna’s glare darkens.

“If that’s a risk I’m willing to take, that’s my decision to make, not yours.”

* * *

 

 

Jason runs his fingers through Percy soft hair, enjoying the feeling of their bodies being pressed close together on the small bed, no matter how innocent the situation is this time.

They do nothing but enjoy the closeness for a while, being cuddled together like this, then Percy props himself up on his elbow next to Jason. There’s a strange look on Percy’s face, but it still takes Jason a lot not to just shift onto his side and press their lips together.

“I like you a lot, you know.” Percy starts quietly, not meeting Jason’s eyes. Something in his stomach twists, making Jason realise that this talk is going to be more important than he thought at first.  
“And I know you do too, or this wouldn’t have worked out so long, but…” Percy shakes his head and bites his lips before his gaze snaps up to finally settle on Jason. “You’re holding back and I’m not sure why but I… I don’t think I can keep doing this if we’re both not in it all the way.”

Hurt is clear in Percy’s eyes and Jason can’t stop himself from reaching out and cupping Percy’s cheek gently in his hand.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was hurting you.” He whispers, not sure how steady his voice would be if he allowed himself to speak up. “I’m not very good with relationships, but for you I’d try if that’s what you want.”

Percy studies Jason’s face, like he’s looking for the lie in his eye but can’t quite bring himself to feel relieved when he finds nothing.

“There isn’t anyone else, is there?” Percy whispers now, looking at the mattress between them instead of Jason’s eyes. “The reason you didn’t… want to commit to me isn’t because you’re holding out for someone else, is it?”

Jason can’t help the small shocked noise that leaves his throat, the question catching him off guard. He doesn’t answer right away, unsure if Percy is right and he had been holding back for that very reason or if he just wasn’t ready to settle down so early into the term. The silence stretches on for a moment too long, Percy huffs and pulls away.

“I guess no answer is an answer as well… I don’t want to be a consolation prize Jason.”  Percy stands before Jason can reach out to stop him, wiping the back of his hand over his eyes when he grabs his bag and starts toward the door.  
“I’ll see you around.” Percy rasps before he’s gone, leaving Jason sitting on the bed to realise slowly what he might have just given up.

* * *

 

The next day – Monday – Jason feels like shit when he gets up already. He tried texting Percy after he left, then called him when he got no answer, but Percy wouldn’t pick up. With it being the last week before Christmas, Jason has only so much time left to fix this mess.

The thing is, of course, that Jason isn’t sure if Percy hadn’t been _right_ last evening, if Jason isn’t actually holding out for Luke even though he knows that it is the worst idea he’s had yet. Reyna would tell him the same if he asked her for help, Jason knows it, right after smacking him for hurting Percy that is.

As terrible as it is, it seems the only persons Jason could talk to are himself – which evidently didn’t do him any good so far – and Luke.

So on Monday when Luke invites Jason to come with him for lunch after the lecture, Jason doesn’t even try to object. He follows after the older man, listens to him talk about some thing or the other and for the first time, Jason actually pays attention to _how much_ Luke is flirting with him. Reyna had been right about that, it seems, There really isn’t anything harmless, innocent or platonic about the way Luke acts around him.

Jason finds them a seat in the café next to the campus library and Luke just gets them some coffee after Jason has flopped down on one of the couches and murmured that he isn’t up for eating right now at all. While he waits, Jason checks his phone about twenty times, but as expected, there hasn’t come any reply after the last text he sent to Percy just an hour ago.

_I know I wasn’t fair to you, I’m really sorry. Give me a chance to explain, I don’t want to leave things like this. Please, Perce._

When Luke comes back, balancing two steaming mugs on his palms, Jason is still scowling at his phone, contemplating whether or not it would be too much to send another text now. He does care about Percy, a lot, and last night, Jason had been just about ready to screw everything and make things between them official. Nevertheless, Percy words confused him, and Jason doesn’t want to be that asshole who changes his mind a week after being together.

“What’s got panties in a twist today, huh? You’ve been in a mood all morning.” Luke asks, his tone light enough that Jason might be able to pass it off as teasing and not reply if he wanted to. Instead, he shakes his head and takes a sip of the coffee in front of him.

“I fucked things up with the guy I’m seeing yesterday and I don’t know yet if I can fix it.” Jason runs his fingers through his hair and decides he might as well tell Luke the rest of it. “He asked me to go steady and I hesitated a bit too long. Now he thinks there’s someone else.”

“Well, is there?” Luke asks bluntly, not even making any attempt to hide the curiosity. It makes Jason recoil a little, almost regret he brought it up at all.

“Honestly? I’m not even sure.” Jason sighs and covers his face with his hands.

“Then don’t settle for that guy.” Luke scoffs like that should be obvious to Jason and again, he can’t help but feel a little wary towards Luke’s reaction. “And anyway, if he’s ready to dump you over this it wouldn’t have worked out anyway.”

* * *

 

For the fourth time in the last ten minutes, Jason catches his eyes wandering to the clock on the far side of the wall. There’s only fifteen minutes left until the end of the seminar, fifteen minutes until Jason is done for this term, allowed to grab Reyna, his duffel, and drive all the way to Hylla’s place for Christmas break.

Time passes slowly though and Luke has been acting particularly strange all throughout the seminar, even for his standards. Of course, it’s just Jason’s kind of luck that his last class would be with the one guy he still tries to avoid more often than not. They’ve gotten better, sure, but Jason can’t deny still being weary around Luke and of his intentions.

As the seconds tick away, Jason finds it increasingly hard to pay attention to the material he is supposed to be discussing with the girl sitting next to him. When he’s not staring at the clock, or nodding to pretend he’s actually listening, his eyes drift over to the front of the class where Luke has casually leant back against his desk, hiding his predatory little smile behind his coffee mug. It’s not the first time he’s watching Jason like he might just bend him over the next available surface, regardless of whether they have onlookers or not, but for some reason Luke’s stare feels more intense today. Jason feels the colour creep up in his cheeks, cursing how easy it still is for Luke to fluster him. This is the last time Luke’s getting to rile Jason up until the start of next year, but for some reason, Jason doesn’t think the thought to be consoling at all.

“And that’s why… are you listening to me?” The girl – Jason’s seminar partner – nudges him in a way that isn’t gentle in the slightest but thankfully helps Jason tear his eyes away from Luke. She scowls when Jason looks at her in confusion, as if there had been any doubt that he didn’t pay any attention whatsoever. Jason had tried hard to listen and follow her words, but somewhere between ten minutes to Christmas break and Luke’s eyes boring into his Jason’s line of thought had completely derailed from the topic.

“Of course.” Jason manages to mumble and gives her his best fake smile, feeling a little impressed when she actually buys it and turns her attention back to the text they are supposed to be working through. She still looks a little grim, Jason can’t even blame her. For the rest of the seminar, Jason tries to actually take in some of the content instead of his teacher, no matter how tempting the view is from Jason’s seat at the back of the class.

Once he manages to stop his mind, and more importantly his eyes, from wandering, time passes faster than Jason could have hoped. Luke hands out the reading assigned by the lecturer for over the holidays before he dismisses the class and watches with a tight smile while everyone packs their bags and grabs their stuff to leave.

“Happy holidays. Don’t get yourself in too much trouble.” Luke grins at the leaving students, arms crossed over his chest and leaning leisurely back against the desk when Jason allows himself to look up in Luke’s direction again. Sitting at the back of the room, Jason is the last one to leave – judging from the grin on Luke’s face that’s exactly what he’s been hoping for.

“So…” Luke starts when Jason approaches the desk, more to leave the room than to strike up a conversation when he’s sure Reyna is already impatiently waiting on him. “This was our last class together.”

Something about the way Luke says it makes Jason hesitate for a moment, brow drawn into a confused frown when he meets Luke’s eyes. It’s only when he catches the mischievous glint in them that Jason realises it was probably a bit of a mistake.

“You’re not my student anymore.” Luke goes on, quieter than before. Jason feels the hair stand up at the back of his neck like his fight or flight instinct might just kick in any second. Jason licks his lips, his mouth feels to dry to speak, so instead of replying he just quirks up an eyebrow as if to say ‘ _so what?’_.

The grin on Luke’s lips widens and when he pushes himself off the desk, Jason instinctively takes a step back. Given that there’s seats right behind him though, Jason has not a lot of space to flee to… and he isn’t quite sure yet he wants to get away in the first place.

“Let me take you out.” Luke practically purrs, standing close enough that Jason almost stops breathing. He can hear the blood rushing in his ears, his heart beating a little too fast. Jason can’t decide what’s worse: that Luke makes him feel like an small animal trapped underneath a predator’s paw or that he finds himself liking it more than he should.

Luke licks his lips, his whole posture self-assured and confident, like he believes he can’t get a no for an answer. Jason scowls, not sure why it’s this of all things that helps him snap out of his stupor, but nonetheless glad he hasn’t fallen for Luke’s act.   
There’s been a lot of things that bothered him over the past few weeks, and while Jason knows Luke tried to be somewhat of a better person, this alone proves Jason’s hopes wrong: Luke is still the same selfish boy that took away his sister and left Jason behind.

The scowl only deepening, Jason steps forward, right into Luke’s space. Given that they are the same height, it brings them almost nose to nose and Jason has to clench his fists on either side not to give in to temptation. Luke’s eyes widen and Jason feels him reaching out, but Jason had enough.

“Earn it.” He hisses, the resentment in his tone making Luke jump and pull away. Whatever Luke had expected Jason to do, this sure wasn’t it.

With one last glare at the older man, Jason grabs his backpack from where it had slid of his shoulder, turns around and leaves the room as fast as he can.

With one last glare at the older man, Jason grabs his backpack from where it had slid of his shoulder, turns around and leaves the room as fast as he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me for the ending. If the fic gets a lot of responses I might write a second one to follow up ;)

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you thought of this in the comments down below :3


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